How to Bother Carth
by HandMeThatCookie
Summary: Non-canon KOTOR Revan "Carmon" and her random friend Emma have crazy adventures while driving Carth completely insane. Although I didn't finish writing as much as I wanted to, I will not be continuing this story.
1. Juma Delivery!

**What if the characters of KOTOR where based on people I know??? I was bored, thought this would be fun. Well, here you go. Anyway, I do not own KOTOR. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

"Alright. Tab. Icantstandu. Enter. There. Oh my gosh!!! I got 5 more views!" Carmon, previous Darth Revan, sat at her computer consol, quietly muttering to herself as she logged onto myspace. Glancing at her Top 8, she noticed that Carth was also online, and she smiled to herself as she opened his page. The bright orange screen flickered up in front of her. "Ah! I'm blinded by the light!" She shouted loudly, hoping somebody else on the Hawk heard her.

* * *

"Shut her up!" Carth yelled from the cockpit, thoroughly unpleased. He couldn't seem to figure out this stupid myspace, and as he refreshed the screen, he now noticed a new comment. As he silently wondered who would be commenting him, he scrolled down a bit, looking at his Top 8. "Carmon." He quietly said her name, clicking on the "New Comments" link.

_Carth…your layout makes my eyes bleed as if they got tickled with a light saber. Please please please change it…alright?_

He smiled at the comment as he clicked on her picture, quickly being redirected to her page. After leaving a comment, he signed off and walked towards the refresher, now needing a bathroom break.

* * *

Carmon clicked back on the home link, now satisfied with the new song she had picked. Scrolling down, she was disappointed to see that Carth had signed off, but was ecstatic at the sight of a new comment. "Goody! I get a new comment!" Her voice was high-pitched and shrill as she clicked, and read the comment.

_Shut-up. I like my layout. Go get hit by a speeder._

After a few moments of staring at the screen, Carmon looked up, a goofy smile filling her face. "Oh Carth!" Carmon jumped up and started searching the ship. When she got to the refresher door, she heard Carth mumbling to himself inside. She threw open the door and Carth jumped into the air, turning around to face her.

"What the…" His voice trailed off as he stepped away from her.

"I got your comment, and might I say, there are no speeders on Manaan." Carmon smiled as she closed the space he had just made.

"Car, don't you think that you're a little obsessed with myspace?"

"Heavens no! I only log on a few times a day, it's not like I'm always on. I do have to fight the sith sometime you know!" She cocked her head to the side as she stared at him, her eyes burning through his head.

"Someone's had a bit too much juma, how about some nice water." Carth grabbed her shoulders as he dragged her from the room.

"No! I don't like water! It's _so_ plain! Apple juice! Give me apple juice and juma!" She struggled to escape his grip, but he held her tightly around her waist.

"If you think I'm going to let you have apple juice or juma right now, you must be on spice." Carth shifted her weight as he walked further down the hall towards the cockpit.

"Carth!!!!! Where are we going? The apple juice is that way!" Carmon pointed in a random direction, hitting her hand on the wall as she did so.

"Sit here." Carth put her down in the pilot's seat. "And stay here until I get back with some water to dilute your juma. You can play with that if you want." He gestured towards the computer consol next to the chairs and then left the room.

"Myspace!" Carmon threw herself at the consol, and quickly typing in her email and password. After a second of staring at the screen, she opened another of her Top 8's profiles and left them a comment.

**Half an Hour Later**

A soft knocking was coming from the Ebon Hawk's door.

"Car, what the Force are you doing?" Carth was agitated as he threw open the door. Standing in front of him was a young girl in a ridiculous outfit, holding a rectangular box. "Who are you and what do you want? We paid the docking fee."

The young girl looked at him and tried to see behind him. "Are you Carmon Hanks?" The girl's voice was high-pitched and abnormally squeaky.

"No, she's in the cockpit, who are you?"

"I'm Emma Corns. Carmon asked me to come by. She needed something." The girl tried to step past Carth, but was pushed back.

"How did she contact you?" His voice was stiff and Emma smiled.

"By myspace of chores! She left me a comment and a message saying to come see her. She also asked me to bring these data pads that we could look at, because you locked her up." Emma swept past Carth and started walking towards the head of the ship. "Now, please excuse me." Her voice was light as she stepped into the cockpit and closed the door.

"What the…" Carth's voice trailed off as he decided to drop the matter and go look at new sorts of blasters.

* * *

"You got the stuff?" Carmon looked up expectantly as Emma entered the room. After settling herself on the ground in front of Carmon, Emma opened the box proudly and pulled out a few bottles and a box of something.

"Heck yeah. I got juma, apple juice, spice, pot cakes, and vanilla wafers." Emma opened two bottles of juma and handed one to Carmon as she held the other up to her eye, trying to see inside it.

"Alright Emma!" Carmon grabbed at the bottle, nearly dropping it, but catching it seconds before it hit the ground. "I suggest a toast!" She raised the bottle, and Emma did the same as both made a sound like a wild Kath hound.

"To what?"

"To outsmarting Carth!" Carmon shouted the words at the top of her lungs, and Emma started to laugh.

"To outsmarting Carth!" Emma repeated the toast through bursts of laughter and the two took long chugs of the juma.

* * *

Carth looked up from the catalog of blasters he was reading at the sound of his name.

"To outsmarting Carth!" He heard the phrase clearly now, and he grumbled as he stood, throwing the catalog to the floor and running to the cockpit.

He tried to throw the door open, but it was locked, and he rammed his fist into it. "Open the door!" He shouted, pounding it.

"Who is it?" Emma asked with a slight giggle.

"Carth, now open up you crazy idiot!"

"Uh oh! It's the big bad wolf!" Carmon put down her bottle of juma and picked up a donut. "They're powdered!" Carmon smiled at Emma and she nodded violently.

"Let me in!" Carth pounded the door again.

Carmon and Emma both held up their hands, then put up 1 finger, then 2 then three. When both of them had 3 fingers up, they shouted as loud as they could "No Big-Bad Wolf! Not by the hair of our chinny chin chins!" The two fell over laughing, but on the other side of the door, Carth was not pleased.

Carth walked back into the main hold and grabbed his catalog. _How much sugar could this Emma kid really get into Car?_

**3 Hours Later**

"So he said that she said that I said that we said that they said that I said that you said that Carth said that I said the he said that she said that Jolee said that Canderous said that Malak said that I said that you said that he said that I said that you said that she said that he said that I said that I hated juma. But why would I say that?" Carmon mumbled the words to Emma between hiccups. When Emma didn't reply, Carmon looked at her. "What? Did you eat some bad donuts?"

"No, I ate too many donuts." Emma leaded against the wall.

"Oh." Carmon took another sip of juma. "Now that you mention it, I do feel sort of sick. Do you think we shouldn't have mixed donuts and apple juice?" Carmon closed her eyes as she waited for a reply.

"That and the juma. We should have picked one treat." Emma stood slowly, crossing to the door.

"Who cares?" Carmon stood and followed her. "Where are we going?"

"To go this way!" Emma pointed down the hallway and the two walked down it, not realizing that Carth was asleep in a chair.

"Emma, wait. I don't think I can make it!"

"Car, no, you have to. If you don't make it, I don't think I can survive!" Emma pushed her forward, but the pressure she was adding to Carmon's back didn't help.

In less than 10 seconds, so many things happened that would forever scar Carth. First, Carmon threw up on him. Then, at the sight of Carmon's vomit, Emma did the same, also hitting Carth.

As Carmon and Emma snuck away, Carth stood completely still, waiting to wake up.

**10 Minutes Later**

"COME BACK SO I CAN KILL YOU!"

**Hehe, I feel silly! Anyways...Carmon and Emma are based on real people...so, yeah. More of the Carmon and Emma Tales Coming Soon!**


	2. Tickling and Tackling

**Hello friend! How will Carmon and Emma drive Carth crazy this time? Who knows…I do not own KOTOR…Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

We walked down the long hallway, casually opening doors and attacking and sith that stood inside. After walking a little deeper into the sith base than we had hoped, we stopped walking.

"Carmon, why wouldn't you let Bastila come with us?" Carth looked at her as he drained the last of his water bottle.

"Because she's so uptight, I mean really, how do you expect me to get anything done with her constant pestering?" Carmon paused, took a deep breath and continued as she tried to mimic Bastila's voice. "No, don't do that, that, that, or this! Stop drinking juma. Go defeat the sith, wrestle a wookie." Carmon looked up to see Carth smirking. She stopped using Bastila's voice. "Seriously, do you even realize how freaked out she is by the thought of me falling to the dark side? She acts like she's my mother."

"Only because she's crazy." Carth sighed. "And because she thinks she's the boss of everyone. But really, Car, how can we do this on our own?"

"Oh our own? Oh no silly! A good friend of mine is going to met us here. That's why we're waiting." Carmon sat down on the ground and closed her eyes.

"Did you just call me silly? You must be insane." Carth turned away from her as he started looking at the objects on the shelves. After a few minutes, he heard snoring behind him. "Are you kidding?" Carth turned to look at her sleeping form.

"CARMON! CARTH!" Carth looked away from Carmon when he heard the familiar voice echoing down the hall.

"Heck no." Carth's hands ran through his hair. "There is no way _she_ is coming."

"Carth! I missed you!" Emma ran through the doorway. "What is wrong with Carmon? Did you kill her?" She crouched down next to Carmon. "Carth, give me a med pack now!"

"Emma, get away from her, don't wake her up! She is quiet right now!" Carth grabbed Emma by the collar and dragged her backwards, but it was too late. Carmon was already waking up.

"Carth, don't kill my friend!" Carmon lunged at Carth, hitting him in the arms and on the back of his head until he dropped Emma.

"Stop trying to kill me!" Carth tried to grab her but he missed and was soon attacked by Emma as well.

The two girls continued to attack Carth until they had to resort to the unmentionable.

"Tickle attack!" Carmon and Emma both started laughing as they tickled Carth until he fell to the ground.

"Get…off…me…you…stupid…idiots…" Carth managed to chock the words out between laughs.

"Tickle more!" Carmon laughed as she fell over and landed on Carth.

"Carth pot cake!" Emma moved backwards a few paces as she watched Carth getting crushed by Carmon.

"Get off!"

"No! Must tickle more!"

"I'll tickle you!"

"You wouldn't dare!" Carmon gasped as she pulled back for a second.

"I would so dare!" Carth attacked Carmon, quickly tickling her and reducing her to tears.

"Stop, please." Carmon laughed as tears streamed down her face.

"You Sith!" Emma lunged at Carth. "Stop killing her!"

"You stupid idiot! Get away!" Carth pushed Emma away and she stuck her tongue out, giving Carth a strange glare.

"Break it up, you scoundrels!"

"What?" Carth stared at Carmon as she ran through the doorway. "Where is she going?" Carth looked down at Emma, only to realize that she had run after Carmon, leaving him alone. "Get back here!" He ran after them.

"Take this!" Carmon was slicing into some sith people with her light saber, the purple blade quietly humming.

"And don't forget some of this!" Emma was on the other side of the room, hitting more sith morons with her cyan light saber. The two girls made quick work of the room, leaving Carth in awe.

"Alright, I have a question for both of you." He walked towards them as the last general fell to the ground. "Carmon, since when could you kick booty like that?"

She smiled as she put her light saber away. "Since…I don't know…forever!"

"Oh, alright." Carth looked down. "I hadn't ever noticed. I guess I never watched you in action."

"You know Carth, that kind of talk could be construed as dirty." Carmon looked at Emma, who was laughing.

"Yeah, it's SO scandalous! Gosh, Car, he wants to watch you in action!" Emma started hugging her side as she fell over laughing.

"Shut-up." Carth turned to Emma. "And now for my question to you."

"Sure, ask away."

"Who in their right mind gave you a light saber?"

"I don't know…probably the same person who told me I was an official Padawan." She and Carmon both laughed harder than they had already been laughing.

"Carth, I thought you knew Emma was a Jedi." Carmon struggled to stop laughing as she gave a dignified and powerful 'standard Jedi' face.

"How would I know? It's not like I'm Force Sensitive or anything!" Carth waved his arms around.

"Oh, yes, that's right. Sorry, I forgot." Carmon held up a hand to hide her face from Carth as she laughed to Emma.

"That's it, I'm leaving." Carth turned and started walking back the way they had come.

"Yeah, sure. Leaving." Carmon rolled her eyes, waiting for Carth to turn back around. "Carth?"

"I'm not coming back!"

"Carth? I'm scared! Come back!"

"Scared?" Emma looked sideways at her friend.

Carmon shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

"That's not believable. You don't get scared."

"Yes I do! I'm so offended you would say that!"

"Why? How does that cause you offence? If anything, you should be flattered."

"I can be scared if I want to."

"Well, fine than."

"Yep." Carmon looked down the hall Carth had just walked down. "Where'd he go?"

"That way. We saw him, remember?"

"Carth?"

"You know what I think?"

"What?"

"I think we should run after him."

"Yeah." Carmon smiled at the thought. "We should run and catch up to him, and then tackle him!"

"Yeah, tackling is fun!" The two took off running after him, casually pushing each other into walls and the such.

"Carth, guess who!" The two both jumped on him, dragging him to the ground as they came up behind him.

"Get away from me!" He managed to pull them away, throwing Carmon and Emma against the nearest wall.

"That was fun. We should do that again." Carmon smiled.

"Yeah, I agree." Emma nodded as she stood, helping Carmon as she did so.

"Alright, it's settled then. Carth, go run a few hundred yards ahead. We want to do that again." Carmon made a hand motion that meant something like 'Go forward'.

"No way. You must be on juma if you think that's going to happen." He crossed his arms.

"Now that you mention it…" Carmon's voice trailed off as she smiled.

"That's it. I'm leaving, again. Do not attack me this time." He turned and walked out the door.

"We didn't attack him, did we?" Emma looked at Carmon, who shrugged.

"I don't think so. I was under the impression that tackling was assault."

"Oh well, it doesn't matter. There are other things we can do."

"Yeah, gizkas in his bed!"

"Wow Carmon, you are evil." Emma smiled.

"Heck yeah." They walked out of the building, laughing as they went.


	3. Vibros and Blasters

**This sort of has an inside joke in it, with me and the person who Carmon is supposed to be, but it should still be semi-readable by all. :-P Alright, you know the disclaimer, so I'll say it fast. I do not own KOTOR! Now let's get to the story. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

"Howdy Turd." Carmon smiled as she walked into the cockpit and sat in the copilots' chair.

"I thought I told you to stop calling me that." Carth looked at her for a brief second before returning to the data pad he was looking at.

"You did, but I ignored you." She leaned over, trying to read over his shoulder. "What's that?"

"I'm looking at those cool new laser blasters."

"Really?" Her voice skyrocketed to a high-pitched tone. "Those things are so cool; are you thinking about getting one?"

"Yeah. I've been saving some credits for a while now."

"Is that where the credits for the med packs went?"

"Maybe..." His voice dropped as he stopped talking.

"Alright then. Anyway, when are you going to get one?" She dismissed the fact quickly, returning to her original excitement over the laser blaster.

"I don't know. Canderous said that me, him and Jolee should be like the 3 musketeers and get some vibro blades."

"Vibro blades? Why would you want to get that? You already know some really awesome combat skills."

"Well, it might be nice to learn something new, you know?"

"I guess, but if you want to get a laser blaster, I wouldn't say no."

"You know what people say." Carth put down the data pad.

"No, what do people say?"

"They say that people like people that can engage in hand-to-hand combat almost as much as they like musicians. Nobody likes long-range stuff anymore."

"That's not totally true." Carmon muttered under her breath as Carth handed her the data pad.

"What do you think of this one?"

"This what?" She asked as she took the data pad.

"This vibro blade. It has this red handle, and it's called the 'fire blade'. You like?"

"Yeah, but are you sure that you don't want a laser blaster before you pick?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I don't care, why are you asking me?"

"Because, you kind of run the ship, plus, I do want to hear your input."

"Why would what I think matter?"

"No reason. Anyway, what do you think of the fire blade?" He tapped the data pad nervously.

"It's nice, if it's what you want."

"I want to show you a few more first."

"How many is a few?"

**2 Hours and 27 Vibro Blades Later**

"Please help me pick one!" He begged as Carmon handed him back the data pad.

"I don't know. Are you really sure you don't want the laser blaster?" _I know I want the laser blaster. _Carmon's thoughts were against Carth's as her mind wandered.

"I'm not sure. What do you think?"

"Force, are we back to that? I don't know!"

"Car! Help me!"

"You need to decide if you want the stupid vibro blade or the laser blaster. And do not ask me what I think. I already told you!" She stood and started walking towards the door.

"No! Come back, I need help!"

"That's right you do. Pick one!"

"Fine, I'll go ask Canderous!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Alrighty then!"

"That's right!"

"Well good-bye then."

"Yeah."

"Bye." Carmon turned and walked down the hall.

"Car!" Carth ran after her and put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Yes?" She turned and looked at him, still a little upset about the previous argument.

"I have made my decision. I'm getting the vibro blade."

"Oh, yippy." She faked as much enthusiasm as she could.

"Yeah, I know, isn't it grand?" He had apparently bought her 'happiness' and gave her a hug. "I've got to tell Canderous and Jolee!" He ran past her, leaving her standing there.

"Oh my Force. He just hugged me." She rubbed her arms against the wall, trying to remove the 'Carth-Cooties'. "Stupid vibro blades." She kicked hard against the wall, causing a small dent. "ACK!" She fell back and ran into the adjacent wall. "My not just write 'Clumsy-clumso' on my forehead." She slowly and carefully walked away, careful not to trip.


	4. She's Moving In

**This chapter really starts to bug Carth, so, if you like it, let me know! The usual disclaimer applies; I don't own KOTOR, so, Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

"I'm home!" Emma ran onboard the Ebon Hawk and dropped a duffel bag on the floor. "Hey Benji! Up top!" Emma closed in on Bastila, holding her hand in the air.

"Who are you?" Bastila fingered her double-bladed light saber that hung at her belt.

"I'm Emma. Where's Carth or Carmon?"

"Who wants to know?"

"I just told you! Emma!" She turned away from Bastila and walked into the port-side dorm. "Mess!" She exclaimed as she hugged Mission.

"Help! Mysterious Sith in the port dorm!" Mission struggled out of Emma's grip.

"I'll save you Mission!" Carmon ran into the room flinging her light saber around wildly.

"Oh no you don't! I like my head!" Emma pulled out her light saber and the two started sparring.

Mission ran out of the room and found Carth. After hearing what was happening, he ran from the cockpit. As he entered the port dorm, he looked from Carmon to Emma, and then back to Carmon.

"Stop!" His yell was quick as he stepped between them. "What are you doing?"

"I was defeating the Sith. See, Darth Bandon is right over…" Carmon's voice trailed off as she looked around Carth and saw Emma standing there. "Oh hey girl! When did you get here?"

"A little while ago. Where do you want me to put my bag?" The two stepped around Carth so they could speak more properly.

"In the cockpit."

"What bag is she putting in my cockpit?" Carth was worried as the two smiled at him.

"My duffel bag." Emma smiled when she noticed how confused he was. "Don't worry. Every night will be like a sleep over!"

"What?" Carth grabbed Emma by the collar. "What are you talking about?"

"Carth, Emma's moving in. I thought you knew!" Carmon stepped behind Emma and smiled.

"I'm not Force Sensitive, you two stupid idiots!"

"Hey, you know what I just realized."

"What?" Emma struggled out of Carth's grip as she listened to Carmon speak.

"When Carth calls us stupid idiots, that's like the double negative thing." Carmon smiled mischievously at Emma.

"Yeah, it is!"

"So Carth is really calling us…"

"Completely normal!" Emma finished Carmon's thought with a smile.

"That's so nice Carth!"

"I would never, never, call you normal." Carth turned and started walking back to the cockpit.

"He did it again!" Carmon and Emma slowly started to follow him.

"He's way too nice to us."

"That he is." Carmon agreed as they reached the spot where Emma had dropped her bag. "Emma, since when are you one of those creepy duffel bag people?" She gasped as Emma picked up the bag.

"What else did you want me to carry all my stuff here in?"

"I don't know. Just don't start wearing a trench coat and a hat over your eyes, alright?"

"Sounds good." They looked at each other for a minute before Emma spoke. "So where did you want me to put this?"

"Oh, right! This way." Carmon started walking towards the cockpit. "Carth really needs a roommate."

"He's so nice to us. I'm sure he'll be happy to have me as a roommate." They stopped outside the door.

"Yeah, I would much rather have you in there than Bastila anyways. That's why you couldn't sleep in a real room."

"I thought you loved Princess Mistress." Emma smiled as Carmon laughed.

"Oh yeah, sure, I love Bastila." They laughed for a few more seconds before Carmon stopped the laughter. "But seriously, I do not want Bastila sleeping in the same room as Carth."

"Why? She could annoy Carth just as well as either of us."

"But Carth might decide to like her. She is beautiful, after all."

"Well, we wouldn't want Carth liking Bastila, because you want her." Emma laughed, but when she looked at Carmon's unpleased face, she stopped. "Alright, seriously, why don't you want Bastila in there with him?"

"I think I might like Carth."

"What?" Emma's eyes almost fell out of their sockets. "Are you serious?"

Carmon nodded.

"But the code…"

"Emma, defenestrate the code!"

"Defene-what?"

"Defenestrate, to toss out the window."

"Oh." Emma paused as she mouthed the word a few times. "But Carth's a pilot. Couldn't you at least fall for a Jedi or something?"

"I happen to have a thing for pilots." Carmon smiled, her eyes tilting to the upper right as she searched her memory. "Remember at the academy?"

Emma laughed, remembering the time Carmon was thinking of. "Yeah, that guy was good looking." Emma's voice trailed off as Carmon opened the door.

"Hey Carthy-poo." Carmon and Emma strolled into the room. Carmon sat in the co-pilot's seat and Emma turned her duffel bag upside down, the contents spilling into a heap in the corner.

"I'm unpacked!" She announced proudly as she sat next to the heap.

"No way, get out you stupid retards."

"He did it again!" Carmon and Emma both howled with laughter.

"Hehehe!" Carmon's voice was high pitched as she laughed.

"Hohoho!" Emma's laugh was low pitched.

"Hehehe!"

"Hohoho!"

"Hehehe!"

"Hohoho!"

"Hehehe!"

"Hohoho!"

"Shut up!" Carth yelled, finally walking towards the door. "I am going to the refresher so stay here."

Carmon and Emma smiled at each other as Carmon crossed the room to the Navi-Computer.

"Carth! I just set the coordinates to Korriban, so you better come over here before I let Emma fly the ship!"

"I don't care. Let her! I'll laugh when you both die!"

"Carth, you're on this ship too, so you would die too!"

"Coming, don't touch anything!"

"Excellent. Hehehe." Carmon laughed as she rubbed her hands together, a mischievous smiled crossing her face.


	5. Falling out of the Sky

**Hey! Just thanking people that are reading this for reading this. Anyways. I am feeling happy right now. Semester ended today, and I am out of some of my unpleasant classes and into some new unpleasant classes. Joy. Anyway, usual disclaimer applies. I do not own KOTOR or any of the character, except Emma and some of the funny nicknames handed out to certain character (Bastila Benji). Anywhosit, Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

"We're in hyperspace again! Can't wait to get to Korriban!" Emma sung as she sat on the floor of the cockpit in her 'bunk'.

"Shut-up." Carth was beginning to doze off as he sat at the wheel of the Hawk.

"Carth, can we turn off the light now? I want to go to sleep."

"Stop you're whining Jawa." Since Carmon had caught Carth with 'double negative'. He had begun to call his annoying Jedi friends 'Jawas'. "I just want to finish setting the auto pilot. Then you can turn off the light."

"Alright." Emma twiddled her thumbs for a moment. "Is it set yet?"

"Jawa…"

"Captain Ugly Orange…"

"Stop that!"

"Sorry C-Cube."

"I'm not going to question that." Carth leaned back in his seat and yawned. "Go ahead and turn off the light."

"Sure thing Captain Ugly Orange." She flicked her wrist and the light turned off.

**20 Minutes Later**

"Hey Carth?" Emma sat up and turned on the light. "Carth?"

"What could you possibly want Jawa?"

"I was wondering if you were asleep yet."

"I almost was. Remind me to kill you in the morning."

"Sure thing."

"Good, now shut off the light."

"Oh, yeah, right." The light turned back off. "Carth, one more thing."

He sighed. "What?"

"Could you stop snoring?"

"I'm not. That would be the ship's engine, you stupid idiot."

"Double negative!" Emma laughed as she heard something pound against the dashboard. She assumed it was Carth's head. "Control your emotions! Remember the code."

"How many bloody times do I have to tell you? I am not Force Sensitive and I never will be! Now shut-up!"

"Control your emotions, young Padawan."

"Do not make me kill you."

"You already are. Remember? You told me to remind you to kill me in the morning. You can't kill me twice, unless of course you are Force Sensitive, in which case-"

"Emma." His voice was struggled as he spoke through clenched teeth. "What do you think I am about to say?"

"Shut-up?"

"Close."

"Stupid Idiot?"

"Farther away."

"I don't know. What?"

"I AM NOT FORCE SENSITIVE!" He bellowed, causing Emma to sink into her bunk.

"Good-night Captain Ugly Orange."

**3 Hours Later**

Emma crept across the room, glaring at the glowing lights of the controls.

"Take this, snoring ship." She flicked a few switches, waiting for the terrible noise to stop. When the noise finally stopped, the stars outside the windshield stopped moving. "Uh-oh." Her voice was weak as the ship suddenly started dropping into oblivion. She stumbled backwards, her head crashing into the Navi-computer.

"JAWA!" Carth jumped out of his seat, only to fall back into it.

"Captain Ugly Orange, do something!"

"Shush! You've already woken up the whole ship!"

"Well, I'm sorry that I couldn't make the engine stop snoring with a little less of a destructive action!"

"You turned off the ship and now we are going to keep falling until we hit a planet, another ship, or some sort of asteroid! Do you realize you have just killed us all?"

"Opps."

"Opps?" Carth's bewildered expression made her laugh as he repeated what she said. "You must be kidding, right?"

"Help!" Carmon's voice echoed from another part of the ship, and Carth stumbled out of the room, with Emma at his heels.

"Car? Where are you?"

"Storage room! Now get over here and help me!"

"I'm here, what's wrong?" Carth fell into the room as he stared at Carmon who sat on the floor with a bottle of cheese dip.

"I can't open it!" She held the bottle out to him.

"What?" Carth glared as Emma stumbled past him and sat next to Carmon, laughing as she did so. "Do you two set aside a special part of the day just to plan stupid things to bother me with?"

"Carth! Open it!" She shook the bottle in front of him.

"No! We are literally falling out of the sky and you want me to open a stupid bottle of cheese dip?"

"It's not fault you nearly crash the ship while I am trying to get a mid-night snack."

"Me?" He glared at them. "Me crash the ship? Your buddy Captain Stupid over here has turned off the engine! And now that it's happened, stop eating a snack!"

"I haven't started eating yet! I can't open the bottle!"

"Oh for the love of hyperspace, give me that." He snatched the bottle out of her hands and threw it across the room. The bottle shattered.

"Thanks Carth!" Carmon scurried across the room with a package of crackers. "Snack time!" Her voice was loud and shrill as Mission, Bastila, Jolee, Canderous, Zaalbar, Juhani, HK, and T3 all come to stand in the doorway behind Carth.

"Hey guys! Carth helped Car make a snack! Who wants some?" Emma crawled after Carmon.

"I do!" Mission fell into the room and sat next to the two.

"I could use some more blood sugar." Jolee stepped into the room.

"Oh boy! I love cheese dip!" Canderous ran into the room, giggle like a little girl.

"If eating this will keep me in your good graces, I shall." Juhani sat next to Canderous.

HK, T3, and Zaalbar all came into the room and sat on the floor with the rest of the group but didn't eat anything. Especially HK and T3, seeing as they where droids.

Carth and Bastila stood in the doorway, shaking their heads.

"It's as if nobody cares that we are ABOUT TO DIE!" Carth bellowed to them, but nobody heard.

"Well, I guess they want a last meal." Bastila shrugged as she stepped into the room. "And I guess I want some too!" She ran over and sat down next to T3.

"Has everyone lost their minds?" The ship tipped to the side as Carth spoke and he slide across the room and ran into Zaalbar.

"Carth, would you like a cracker?" Carmon held one out to him and he snatched it. After stuffing it into his mouth, his expression softened.

"Hey, this is pretty good. What brand of cheese dip is this?" He reached into the center for another cracker."

"I don't know. You broke the label Carth!" Mission laughed as she picked up a glob of the cheese dip and threw it at him.

"Oh no you did not just throw that at me!" He grabbed a glob himself and threw it.

"Food fight!" Carmon laughed as she grabbed some and threw it at Bastila.

**10 Minutes Later**

"Dudes, we are out of cheese dip." Canderous scanned the room, looking for some that wasn't stuck on somebody.

"And crackers." Mission held the box upside down.

They sat for a few more minutes, staring at each other and laughing. When someone finally spoke, it was Carth who broke the silence.

"Did you guys feel that?"

"No, what?" Carmon shook crackers out of her hair.

"We stopped falling." Carth stood, as did Bastila.

"He's right. What do you think happened?" Bastila looked questioningly at Carth.

"I don't know." He looked out the window. "But we are being pulled towards that ship. And I recognize it."

"Carth, if you see that we are being pulled towards a ship and you recognize it, than do you think that maybe you know what happened?" Emma and Mission laughed as Carmon spoke.

"I wish I didn't recognize that ship."

"Why? You would rather die full of cheese dip than live full of cheese dip? You know Carth, I hate to break it to you, but your brain is full of cheese dip." Canderous smiled at the now angry pilot.

"That ship is the Leviathan. My old mentor's ship."


	6. History Revealed

**Hey! Chapter 6 is here, no need to fear! You guys don't want to know why this chapter took so long. Trust me. It's a long story. So yeah, I do not own KOTOR or these characters (except Emma…I made her up…and Carmon is based on my friend, but she is obviously a major character in the game) Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

"Ha! I win again!" Carmon smiled as she shifted the cards to the bottom of her deck.

"Why do I agree to play pazaak with you? You always read my mind!" Emma threw the cards in front of her.

"Because there is nothing better to do." Carmon paused, counting on her fingers. "That's 4,021 credits you owe me when we get back to the ship."

"Alright, that's enough!" Bastila shouted from behind the yellow barrier. "Instead of playing card games, why don't we come together and try to figure a way out of this!" They stared at her blankly, as if waiting for an idea. "Come on, we are 3 perfectly smart, capable women. Well, I am, you two can be if the occasion calls for it."

"Benji is right. We need to get out of here before Malak or Saul show up."

"Sorry I'm so late. My crew picked up your ship when I was in the refresher. I couldn't be pulled away." Admiral Saul Karath walked into the room, his eyes scanning the 4 women.

Wait…I meant 3 women and Carth.

"You." Carth's eyes narrowed to slits. "I'll kill you!" Carth lunged forwards, his body slamming into the barrier and electricity running through his body.

"Hello Carth. It has been a long time since I have seen you."

"What do you want Saul?" Carmon looked at Carth, surprised at the harshness in his voice.

"I just want your Jedi friend Carth. We are only keeping you alive right now as something to force her to talk."

"Bastila will not help the Sith with her Battle Meditation, Saul. Forget it."

"It is not Bastila that I want. It is that one." He pointed at Carmon, a cruel smile across his face. "Lord Malak wants her."

"I will not be marrying Malak!" Carmon threw her foot down.

"Does she not know? Bastila, I am ashamed that you have not told her."

"The Council did not want me to. But how do you know?" Bastila was bewildered as she carried on conversation with Saul. The other three in the room were completely baffled.

"Malak recognized 'Carmon' as the Jedi who was following you around."

"Don't do this. Carmon doesn't need to know."

"Carmon doesn't need to know what?" Carmon was getting angry about being gossiped about to her face.

"Yeah, what doesn't Carmon need to know?" Emma's brows knitted together as she started to take on a defensive edge.

"Oh, hello! I don't believe we have met. My name is Saul. Who are you?" Saul approached Emma's cage and smiled at her.

"My name is Jolee Bindo." Emma quickly blurted out a name.

"Well, that's, um, interesting." Saul's eyes widened as he looked at Emma, obviously trying to decide if she looked like a Jolee. "I'd shake your hand, but I don't want to loose the use of my hand. No offense to you Jolee."

"None taken."

"Wonderful. Perhaps later you and I could go out for some caffa…" Saul's voice trailed off.

"Did you just ask me out?"

"Uh, well, yeah, kind of."

"I am not going to go out with you! I am Jolee Bindo! I am too old, and my beard is too funny for me to go out with you!" Emma threw her foot down.

"Yeah! Her beard is too funny!" Carmon also stood her ground.

"What beard?" Carth glared at the girls, and at Saul, whom was holding his head, as if he were dying.

"This beard!" Emma stroked her chin and Carmon also stroked hers.

"Yeah! This beard!" Carmon repeated, not cracking a smile but laughter playing in her eyes.

"Excuse me! This is completely idiotic and barbaric! You are 2 padawans who should be able to converse with an evil admiral! Stop talking about a beard that doesn't exist!" Bastila yelled over the voices of Emma and Carmon, whom had both begun to babble aimlessly about the beard at the same time.

"Gasp." Carmon and Emma both said the word instead of doing the action at the same time.

"I agree with Bastila! Please stop talking about the beard!" Carth held his hands over his ears as the 2 padawans screeched loudly.

"Enough!" Saul yelled over the girls and Carth, then gave a disgusted look towards Emma. "Bastila, is this the gizka?"

"The what?" Emma looked at Saul, completely enraged that she had just been compared to a gizka.

"Well, yes, the Council thought it would be appropriate to…" Bastila began talking but was then cut off by Saul, who approached Emma once more.

"Hello little gizka. Hello. Hello. Do you want a worm? Hello." He spoke in a tone that most people use when speaking to babies or pets.

"Listen up baldy," Emma quickly snapped at Saul, and a look of hurt ran through his eyes as his hand touched the bald spot that was forming on the back of his head. "I'm not sure what you think, but I am a Jedi. I am not a gizka, nor have I ever been a gizka, nor will I ever be a gizka. But most importantly, I am Jolee Bindo!" She regained her composure and straight face as she once again flickered back to her bit about Jolee and his beard.

"On the contrary, my dear." Saul turned back to the wall and flipped a switch, removing the yellow barrier around only Emma's cage. She leapt back, slightly bewildered, then slowly crept towards the edge of the slightly raised platform that she stood on.

"What do you mean?" Carmon's eyes flickered across Saul's face as she spoke, examining him, trying to find some flaw in what he was saying.

"Your friend Emma has always been your friend, my Lord. Before you became Carmon, you were Revan and your friend Emma was your pet gizka. It appears the Jedi Council has done more than just remove your memory. It has changed your friend's species as well." Saul smirked as he removed the barrier around the remaining 3 cages. "Feel free to roam around this room. The door only opens from the outside. Malak will be here shortly." He turned and left.

"Holy moly." Carmon's jaw dropped.

"You can say that again." Emma looked across the room at Carmon, who nodded.

"Okay. Holy moly."

**P**


	7. Zaalbar's Lid

**I know what you are thinking...chapter 7 already? Yes, it takes me 5 months to write chapter 6 and 2 days to write chapter 7...I know...there is no way to tell how long it make take me to write a chapter...anywhosit...so you guys all know the disclaimer. I don't own KOTOR. Yada Yada Yada…blah blah blah. So yeah. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

"How many people here actually thought I could ever, in any universe, be a gizka?" Emma looked at the other 3 in the room. Carth's hand quickly shot into the air and Bastila's hand slowly crept up as well. "That's not nice."

"I only raise my hand because I was part of the team that captured Revan, and you were with her. I already knew."

"Oh. Okay." Emma pondered for a moment, and then turned to Carth. "Carth, I thought you said you weren't Force Sensitive. How did you know?"

"You don't need to be Force Sensitive to know that the only creature in this universe with more energy than you is a gizka. It's doesn't take a Jedi Master to figure that out."

"Good. Because you certainly aren't smart enough to be a Jedi Master." Carmon laughed and slapped Emma a high five, and then continued to speak. "How many people knew I was Revan?"

Bastila was the only one who raised her hand.

"Bastila, why didn't you tell me?"

"The Jedi Council wouldn't allow it! You couldn't possibly understand how hard it was to keep this from you. And then you let _that_ move it," Bastila gestured towards Emma. "It was my worst nightmare! The Dark Lord Revan and her faithful gizka friend together again! And this time the gizka was a powerful Jedi! I had to do anything possible to keep you and Emma from spending plenty of extra time together. So I offered to bunk with Carth and let Emma have the bed in the girls dormitory. I knew you wouldn't want me in there with Carth, so you threw Emma in there. And now Carth could keep his eyes on her, and I could keep my eyes on you. Another bonus was that now you couldn't concoct plans with the gizka."

"Bastila, neither of us is on the dark side anymore."

"And I'm not a gizka anymore!"

"But you could have easily slipped back to the dark side. The Council wanted me to keep it secret and I did. It had to be done." Bastila ignored Emma and continued speaking to only Carmon.

"You wouldn't have let us slip to the dark side! You're a control freak that keeps a close watch on everyone! You won't let anyone oil HK without first getting the 'okay' from you. And Zaalbar isn't allowed to go to the refresher!"

"I am not a gizka anymore." Emma muttered as she sat against the wall and motioned towards Carth, who unhappily joined her.

"I can't keep people from slipping to the dark side. I don't have that power. But HK is already evil. I am just trying to keep people safe by keeping them away from him. He is another problem with your past. He was your assassin droid! It's like a big happy evil reunion for you on the _Hawk_."

"What about Zaalbar? Why won't you let him go to the refresher?"

"He leaves the lid up! It's so annoying!"

"So you ban him from going at all? He's a wookie! He's used to just going on a tree! You can't blame him for leaving the lid up!"

"I can so!"

"You can not! It's not his fault that trees don't have lids!"

"He should know to put the lid down! Every time I go to the refresher right after he is done, I fall in!"

"That's because your butt is too small! Eat more grains and you'll puff up! Then you won't fall in!"

"I don't want a big butt like _someone_ in this room! Cough, Carmon, cough."

"I heard that! My butt is normal sized, thank you very much."

"Then why don't you fall in after Zaalbar is done?"

"Because I look to see if the lid is up! Maybe if you spent the amount of time keeping Zaalbar out of the refresher on putting the lid down yourself then you wouldn't fall in!"

"I do look!"

"They why do you fall in? You see that the lid is up and just decide to see if you will fall in this time?

"For the love of the Force, will the two of you shut up?" Carth got to his feet and helped Emma up.

"I agree with C-Cubed. Stop it."

"Wow, Emma, I'm shocked that we agree."

"Me too, C-Cubed. Me too."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"Too bad."

Emma and Carth looked at each other for a moment as Carmon and Bastila watched them.

Finally, Bastila sighed and put her hand out to Carmon. "I apologize. That was very un-Jedi-like of me. I should have controlled my emotions better. Am I forgiven?"

"On 2 conditions. One, you must forgive me, I was also very un-Jedi-like."

"Done."

"And two, you must let Zaalbar use the refresher."

"No!"

"Then I don't accept your apology."

"Fine, fine. The stupid wookie can use the refresher."

"Good. You are forgiven now."

"So are you." Bastila and Carmon shook hands and then turned back to Emma and Carth. "Okay, let's get out of here before Malak shows up."

"Bastila, what did I say about you being a control freak?" Carmon tapped her foot on the ground.

"Oh, right, sorry. What do you guys think we should do?"

"Get out of here before Malak shows up." Carmon, Emma, and Carth spoke in unison and scurried across the room to the door.

"Stand back guys, I might be able to get it open." Carth put his arm out in front of Carmon and Emma and they pulled back to avoid touching him.

After five minutes, the door finally popped open.

"I did it! This is how you prove Saul wrong! So much for this door is only open-able from the outside!" Carth stood back to admire his handiwork for a moment.

"Okay, let's skedaddle." Carmon smiled as she stepped up next to Carth.

"Not so fast. I haven't gotten to greet my old friend and my old annoyance."

**Dun dun dun!! Who could it be?**

**Haha, I think you know…**


	8. Bastila Loves Bad Guys

**Chyeah! Chapter 8! Woohoo! Okay, so here is the normal disclaimer! I do not own KOTOR!!! (gasp, shocker, right?) haha. So this chapter is a shortie, but you guys should be happy that its here at all. I've actually been done with it for a while and just haven't bothered uploading it. Haha. Funny, right? So Read, Review, and Enjoy!!!!**

"Holy freaking crap." Carmon jumped backwards as she looked up at the tall figure that was standing in the doorway.

"Very fluent. I'll take that as a greeting. How are you Revan?" Malak stepped into the room and let the door fall shut behind him. "Dang-nab it." He turned and tried to re-open the door, but it wouldn't budge. "Now I'm stuck in here with you!" He turned back to the group.

"And we're stuck in here with you. Get over it." Emma's voice was cold as she glared up at Malak.

"Who the heck are you?"

"Emma." Malak still appeared puzzled as he struggled to remember anyone named Emma.

"The gizka." Bastila quietly informed Malak of Emma's past, and his eyes quickly filled with excitement.

"The gizka! Aw! Hey! Look at you! You aren't a gizka anymore!" Malak pet Emma on the head and she attempted to bite his hand. "Dude! Bad! No dinner for you!"

"Malak, behave. How do you plan to get us out of here?" Carmon intervened and Malak's eyes quickly flashed towards her.

"Well, first I plan to kill you all. Then I plan to wait until someone comes into this room. Once they come in, they will let me out."

"What if it takes a really long time for them to come get you? How will you eat?" Carmon chuckled slightly as she questioned Malak's logic.

"Simple. I have gizka jerky in my pocket, so I'll just eat that. And when I run out of jerky, you guys will be dead, so I'll just eat you."

"Ew! Cannibal!" Carmon looked at Malak, shock evident in her eyes.

"Actually, its not cannibalism if I only eat Emma. Because that's just like eating raw gizka."

"I'm human now!"

"Whatever. Anyways, what's up Revan?"

"Malak, shut up." Carmon turned away from him and started trying to pry the door open. "Carth, do you think you can pop the door open again?"

"He didn't do it the first time. I did. Didn't Saul tell you it was only open-able from the outside?"

"Yes, but we ignored him."

"Revan, don't you think he knows how to work his own ship?"

"Be quiet."

"Revan, I get the feeling you hate me."

"Really? What was your first clue?"

"That is very rude."

"Shut the hel-"

"Revan, I mean, uh, Carmon, uh…oops." Bastila cut Carmon off without first thinking about what she was saying.

"Ooooh. You're in trouble." Carth snickered slightly as he turned to look at the door.

"Carmon, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Malak was and I forgot that you weren't Revan anymore. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I was acting very sithly right now. It wasn't polite of me. I needed to be called Revan. Feel free to call me that whenever I misbehave."

"You won't be able to misbehave for much longer. I'm going to kill you, remember?"

Carmon laughed at Malak, and then she turned to Emma. "Sonic scream?"

"Chyeah." Emma nodded eagerly.

The pair opened their mouths and let out a high pitched screech, which sent Malak into unconsciousness.

After a few more minutes of screeching, they stopped and Emma looked at him. "Is he dead?"

"No, just knocked out. But we can fix that." Carmon pulled out her light saber and it flickered on, the quiet hum quickly washing the room in calmness and the purple blade lighting up the faces of all 5 people in the room.

"No! Carmon! You can't do that!" Bastila using Force Wave to push the light saber out of Carmon's hand.

"Why not? Do you want him to take over the galaxy?"

"Uh…no…of course not…I uh…I…don't want you to kill a defenseless opponent. Yeah, that's it. He's defenseless!" Bastila quickly cooked up an excuse.

"He's Malak. The Council won't care if he was defenseless or not. They'll be happy he's gone." Carmon brought her light saber back to her, but it was quickly taken away from her by Bastila.

"You can't kill him!"

"Give me a better reason than the fact that he is defenseless."

"I LOVE HIM!"

An awkward silence filled the room during which the four of them exchanged confused glances.

Finally the door opened and broke the silence as 3 sith guards and a dark Jedi walked into the room.

"Uhh…hi." Carmon looked at them and waved. They all rushed forward and drew their weapons. "Wait!" Carmon held out her hands in front of her and started chewing on her lip as she tried to think. "Your master is dead! I mean…he's dying! Save him!"

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The dark Jedi fell to his knees and the guards knelt beside him. Carmon, Emma, and Carth snuck out of the room. They were halfway down the hall before they realized Bastila wasn't there.

"Bastila! Come on!" Carmon screamed down the hall and looked at Bastila, who still stood in the room they had been trapped in.

"I can't!" Bastila yelled back.

"What not?"

"I can't leave Malak! I have to make sure he is okay!"

"Bastila, we want him dead! Remember?"

"Just go!" And with that, Bastila turned away from them.

"That was retarded." Emma looked at Carmon and she nodded.

"Let's go. Hurry." Carth took off running towards the hanger and Carmon and Emma followed him. Whenever they ran into any Sith, the trio informed them that their master was dying in the holding cell and they left the group alone to go and try to revive him.

Finally, they reached the ship and boarded it, ready to attempt to finish this adventure.


End file.
